What Does Servant Leadership Look Like When...

... you feel you are being constantly attacked & criticized in your marriage?

It can be painful and frustrating to feel criticized all of the time. Especially if you feel your efforts are never good enough. You may be tempted to withdraw or give up. But don't!

Jesus was regularly criticized and rejected, and we know his efforts were nothing less than perfect! In the book of Isaiah, we are reminded by the author, Isaiah that, "He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth" (Isaiah 53:9). Now we are operating in our role, as husbands, in a fallen world. Even if we were perfect, or providing perfect leadership, it will not always get us a pat on the back, or the 'atta-boy' we may seek. However, Jesus is our model in marriage as well as a companion in seasons of discouragement. To be criticized for doing your best is the path of servant-leadership in this age.

Jesus' leadership is effective! Followers of Christ are evidence that persevering through criticism and rejection is powerful and effective.

Peter, a disciple of Jesus wrote about His rejection like this: "For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of our souls" (1 Peter 2:25). I think Peter is saying that, followers of Christ are saved, because Jesus refused to give up in the face of rejection. Instead, He trusted God to be at work through the rejection.

Now you and I show Jesus to our wife when we persevere in loving her, even as we "feel" rejected and criticized.

But let me ask you, how do you respond to her criticism?

Can I tell you something? How you respond to her criticism may be your most powerful way of loving your wife and a testimony to Christ's work in your life.

Jesus could be using your wife to be speaking to you about sin in your life. Can there be something truthful about your wife's criticism? Sure, we're not talking about her delivery of the criticism, but has she nailed you for something that you need to man-up on? Your wife can see things you can't see. Being criticized ain't easy!

So let's ask God to help us put on humility and be willing to learn from her, even if her delivery is harsh.

After you examine yourself, make sure you really understand what's going on with your wife. Try not to respond defensively; figure out what is driving her criticism. Sometimes it sounds like irritation or anger, but could it be fear? Is she actually trying to say, "I'm afraid you love your job or career more then me and the kids" or "I'm afraid you want to spend time with your mates more then me"?

Look, spend time trying to resolve this! Don't quit or give up or with-draw! Please don't! Perhaps unresolved hurts from the past need to be addressed. Maybe there is some financial strain. But know this, her criticism, particularly its ungodly expression, tells you as much about her as it does about you.

A servant-leader is going to spend some intentional time, understanding and then ministering to his wife more than he will be worried about defending himself.

Ask God for help as you exercise the servant-leadership role you have been entrusted with!