Before I tell you about Caleb, I have promised that I would explain a comment I made about my mother making a brilliant statement to me. My mother told me, when I asked her why she wasn't my friend, like all my other friends moms, she told me, "God called me to be your mom, not your friend". Now I didn't like the statement at the time, but I saw the wisdom in the comment then, but even more so now.
I wanted mom to be my "friend", so she would go light on me. I had observed that the moms that were "buddies", let things slide a bit more and were a bit "cooler" than my mom was. But the truth was that these "Buddies", ignored things, let things slip or abdicated their God given roles. My mother wouldn't do that. And she didn't. As I have matured I can see that, my mom's thought process is correct. It is so much harder to deal with sin. It is so much easier to let things slip by, ignore, turn the other direction, because if I pretend I didn't see it, I don't have to deal with it.
I think because I saw this in my mom, I have been able to utilize this in my own family. So, thanks mom!
As promised, this afternoon, I sought Caleb's permission to tell you a story about him. He suggested I share this account with you.
Caleb was 7 years old at the time and we were discovering a lot of carelessness with the way he was taking care of toys. What was concerning us was, not so much the broken toys, but that we would discover the broken toys, without someone telling us that they broke a toy. To us, this seemed like a hint of deception.Now Meg & I had told Caleb and the other children that if another toy was broken and they did not come and tell us that they had broken it, but we found it, there would be consequences.
A few days went by and we were noticing Caleb was acting very strange. Normally, Caleb is a very pleasant boy. But for some reason, he was very teary, tired & frustrated. When I would quiz him on his behavior, he would assure me that nothing was wrong. I must confess, I did not believe him, and I would push more, but he stuck to his story.
A few days later, Caleb was looking dreadful. He had black rings under his eyes, and he was being very cheeky. I sent him to his room to have a lay down, after exhausting all my idea's of drawing him out. I then, for some reason, told him that if he had done something wrong, no matter what it is, that I would always love him. But he still remained silent.
After I left him in his room for a bit, I went in and laid down on his bed next to him. I again assured him that I loved him, and if he needed to talk, he could.
He then sits up and sobs his heart out, "dad, I have something to tell you, I have not been able to sleep for three nights, because I accidentally broke something and I have been hiding it from you." Sobbing a bit more, I wait, asking God for wisdom to use this time to train my son, but not wanting to rush him from feeling the weight of his sin. He then tells me what happened. I then asked him where it was. He said, not looking, but pointing, "it's under my bed." I hug him as I feel the relief and freedom he is experiencing as he confesses and reveals the sin he has been harboring. "Oh son, thank you for telling daddy." Holding each other pretty tightly, I ask, "son is there anything else, don't hide anything, get it all out." He seemed relieved for the invitation, "dad, over there", again not looking, only pointing, "over there on the side of the wardrobe is a snakes head I broke off." Again, I assure him that Jesus died for these sins, and that we need to confess them to him. I then added how much I love him and remind him that he has done the right thing in telling me.
The countenance and transformation that happened before my eyes, still brings a wetness to my eyes, as I retell you this.
As you can imagine, the weight of the world was lifted off this little guy. He ran, and I mean ran to his mummy to ask for her forgiveness and told her what happened. Boy, God's grace is so amazing and humbling.
I remember reflecting on this with my wife that night. Why do we hide our sin? Why do we keep sin hidden instead of bringing it into the light?
What really stood out to us was recalling the change in Caleb over the few days before he confessed his sin. I kept saying to Meg, "something is wrong." I kept on him, though I could have ignored it, but I couldn't let it go... Sometimes, I find that God enables us to sense something is not right, and we need to ask questions. Not accuse. Thankfully my wife helps me guard against accusing the children. Now there have been times when I have been wrong, and I have needed to humbly confess my sin to my children. Thankfully, they have graciously forgiven me. I am so grateful to God for that! And yet there have been times, where there has been something wrong, and I have needed to push and draw out my wife and children. I just need to remember to ask, and not accuse. (Learn from my mistakes dads...)
Husbands, Fathers, Men, I encourage you; Ask lots of questions... You never know how that might help lead your wife and children to walk in the light. Your invitation to let your family open up and talk is a wonderful gift to our family.
In fact, tonight - I entered into some conversation with Caleb, now 10, reminding him of my love for him, my commitment to him, my appreciation of him. He then went off to bed and then came back down about 30 minutes later. Tears in his eyes, "dad, I have been hiding something from you, I need to confess it."Oh, the joy as a dad, to know that the Holy Spirit is working in your child...
Again, I am so committed to parent with an eternal perspective. I trust you will be encouraged to as well... because of the cross...
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